Dancing Isis Dance !

Mother without a mask : by Patricia Holton, copyright 1991 Patricia Holton, pub; Kyle Cathie Limited, London. Paperback 1993. BOOK REVIEW by Marina Bistrin. Winter 2003
Not readily obtainable but you can get a used copy of Mother Without a Mask at amazon.uk

I find this story interesting because it tells the story from a sympathisers’ point of view and shows the author’s understanding of what this United Arab Emirates (UAE) family believe and how their family and society functions. There are currently many horror-story books around of Westerners’ experiences in the Middle East, but very few from sympathetic people. In most travellers’ tales, we see an outsider, usually male, who does not see the women’s way of life. Even females from other cultures are rarely initiated into the everyday life of Middle Eastern women, and can’t give very full accounts. This book also shows a time capsule of life in the 70s, a life that has probably changed significantly now and it also gives an idea of what life was like in the Middle East before oil became the basis of the Gulf States’ economy. I found "Mother without a Mask" to be particularly interesting, enjoyable, and easy to read.

Mother without a Mask is set in Al Ain in the inland Buraimi Oasis in the UAE, next to the border with Oman. The title of the book refers to the author, Patricia who did not wear the mask most women wore when she was in the UAE. She hosted two Arab boys (sons of a Sheik) while they were going to school in England and made many trips to visit their family at home, where she was a guest of the Sheik and Sheika (his wife) and lived with their extended family. After this family got oil money, they lived through major changes in their lifestyles. They were already wealthy at the beginning of their association with her. The writers’ husband was an advisor (on who to contact to sort out a problem) to the Sheik. Patricia was an American, married to an Englishman, with children, living in London in mid 70s. The Arabs called her Um Yusef (mother of Joseph).

Since this book isn’t easily obtainable, I’ve done a summary of some of the information that I found most interesting, rearranging it under various subject headings. The author’s language is preserved as much as possible, in quotes, (usually in the first person), as it is so evocative. I’ve put some of my own comments in squared brackets. I hope that it’s not too choppy for you, but it makes it a lot easier for me to present it that way. There’s a lot of interesting information there.

SO HERE IT GOES….
WOMEN "Our women are our flowers" — quote from the sheik’s teenage son. "Then why do you shut them up?" I asked. "Shut them up?" he exclaimed in alarm, "We don’t shut them up." "But they are behind a mask, under veils, inside walls" I said. "It is their custom, their way. It is different. I cannot explain. You must talk to my mother." [Unfortunately, we never did find out his mother’s point of view. M.B.]

Al hareem. Hareem is Arabic for women — plural. Hormah is woman. Hareem is the women of the house. Hormah comes from Arabic haram — forbidden, holy, sacrosanct, sanctuary. Today haram is used almost entirely in its meaning of forbidden.

Divorce was rare because the husband could demand to keep children.

The Sheikha (the sheik’s wife) - "She walked with a measured light step. "Not thin, but lithe and strong with a straight back". "Her hands were exceptionally beautiful with long, strong supple fingers. She used them continuously in speech, sometimes holding up the thumb and the third finger in a circle together to accent a point, the palm open and raised. Her finger-nails were painted with henna, as were the soles of her feet where the henna had gone a dark purple." Her hair — "She wore it like a child in one long, heavy plait down her back" — but sometimes she twisted it into a complicated bun, securing it with a few heavy pins and combs. She was the daughter of a Sheik. She expected to be obeyed [referring to her way of speaking to servants].

Once girls reached puberty, they were not allowed to show their faces. Married women wear masks even during meals. Sometimes restrictions were relaxed in a desert camp when entertaining female guests. "Behind those masks and veils they could see without being seen. Undisturbed, they became classic observers."

It was common to foster children, but rarely were they adopted. To be truly adopted, "Adoptive children should nurse at the breast of one of the immediate family in order to have the freedom of the family when they are adult. They are then accepted as true brothers or sisters. Marriage between a blood son and an adopted daughter who had nursed at the same breast would be incestuous — haram — forbidden."

After a holiday camping at the seaside, the family packed quickly and moved home to Al Ain. The women would not get out of cars at rest stops because they would not eat or drink in front of strangers and never used public toilets. "In the old days they would never go to
toilet in the daytime. They all waited till dark and then went down to the sea. …. We didn’t have so much to drink then, either."

CLOTHING
The women of the family wore masks indoors and out and knee-length black veils outdoors over brightly coloured silk dresses. Small girls wore bright long dresses. Small boys wore kandoras (caftans) like the men. Underwear for men — a sarong (also worn for pyjamas) that is worn under the white Kandora (caftan). Female servants did not wear masks or veils. These women were usually of other cultures e.g. from the Muslim populations of Pakistan, Sri Lanka or Filipines, generally. They could attain status in the house-hold. One became a major domo. Working men wore kandoras with bare heads or crocheted hats or loin cloths with checked headcloths wound into turbans. The Sheika greeted her husband formally yet affectionately. She wore a sky-blue silk with gold embroidery and a "stiff, black burnished gold canvas mask." (also described as "little mask" — or as women wearing "the same harlequin masks") "quietly unperturbed by the busy scene around her" [setting up camp]. The Sheikha ran the household. She was married at the age of about 13 — possibly younger.

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